Standing tall

Stand tall, stand proud. Know that you are unique and magnificent. You do not need the approval of others. Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yesterday, as I was walking in the park with a friend, in the middle of a storm, I came across a goose standing on top of a dead tree stump. The wind was howling, yet this goose was standing there having its feathers ruffled by the gale, not budging and looking pretty content with itself, unfazed by the adverse weather conditions. It was a stunning sight and I thought a good metaphor for my own situation.

In the midst and aftermath of the narcissistic abuse hurricane that devasted my life, there were many people who tried to blow me down. They blamed me, they made me feel weak and foolish. They thought that I had been the agent of my own demise, that I had “let myself be abused” and therefore should feel ashamed.

One of my best friends told me that she did not understand why I was writing my blog and admitting to the abuse. She thought I was too open, too forthcoming and honest and that it was extremely embarrassing for me and my children to admit to such a thing. She told me that my children might get teased because of my openness, that I should stop blogging about the abuse and talk about something else.

Not only did I have to fight the trauma of narcissistic abuse, I also had to battle the prejudices and bigotry of other people. They thought they would never have let themselves into the turmoil of a toxic relationship. They thought it was my fault because I had ignored the warning signs. They thought they knew better. They though that my struggling to heal was just a storm in a teacup and that I was just “feeling sorry for myself.”

However, whatever they say, I am not embarrassed. I am not ashamed. People can blame me, shame me, condemn me but I will not rescind, I will not yield to their judgement. Like that goose in the storm, I am standing tall, proud of the fact that I was strong enough to survive narcissistic abuse, proud that I have the courage to talk about my experience and proud that I am unabashed by naysayers.

I am proud to be me. I am standing tall.

21 comments

  1. Good on you. The abuse is difficult, let alone people that don’t support you on top, telling you to keep quiet. It’s not something that can be kept quiet. It doesn’t make it go away.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Standing tall means to not care what others think, to experience an ego death (very hard to do in today’s society), and most importantly, to be your true authentic self. Yes, you will get backlash for standing tall. I want to say to expect the backlash, expect the blame and the shame even, but you’re being the stronger person. There is nothing cowardly about standing tall so that you can rise above the fog where most people are currently residing. They can’t see past the fog so they probably aren’t going to relate to you very well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So sorry you feel unsupported. My tribe has been there for me every step of the way and it has made all the difference in my recovery. Do your people still associate with your abuser? If so they are probably getting sucked in by his lies and can’t see the truth. Sorry this is your experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Tell that “friend” to Go Frick OFF!!! I’m so proud of you and all your work on educating us and bringing this topic and discussions to the foreground. You are a Rock Star and never doubt it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow I think whenever someone think they cannot fall into the trick of narcissistic abuse we should have them watch Dirty John so they can see how a brilliant intelligent woman fall into it. The story did happen in reality. It’s not just some fiction. Or that other one My King also based on true facts from the own experience of the director.
    Much love to you and keep speaking! Silence is abuse so keep breaking it.
    You can tell your friend that ignorance is worse than sharing your words. Openly talking about your experience is actually protective.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, I do intend to keep speaking even if there are people who don’t want me to! I watched Dirty John and I was amazed to see how subtly and skillfully he manipulated her. I haven’t watched My King yet but it is definitely on my watch list.

      Liked by 1 person

      • My King was difficult on me, my body crazy reacted, shut down because I went to the physical therapy center it is filmed at and the first scene you can see the doctor that took my case, the corridor I entered too wondering what the hell am I doing here. I did drawings about it that I posted on IG. I ended to emergency with nothing the doctor could say was wrong with me after exams but sent home on pills that stuck me in bed.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. i am experiencing very much the same thing, so it is obviously the same the world over.
    I thought if anybody else tells me how much better than me they would have done, I will scream. Often I would look at their own lives and think:
    “Physician heal thyself.”
    I love your analogy and I really needed to read this today.
    Geese can be pretty fierce creatures. I believe the Romans used them like guard dogs.
    Perhaps we have to stand tall and guard ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Yes proud of who you are and have fought to become❤️ there will be people who will not know or empathize with the abuse. And we let that go just like we let go of the past we shared with our abuser. We have our own set of rules we abide now and the biggest of them all is sharing our truth and being true to the best that is in us. #standtall

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.