The Thriver Way to Heal

Whatever happened was for a reason and if you can find out and heal that reason, then not only will this situation never happen to you again, but you will evolve and heal, and your life will improve and expand way beyond how you were living previously. Melanie Tonia Evans

On Saturday, I attended a workshop in London run by Melanie Tonia Evans, entitled You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse. It was a thought-provoking workshop and I am still processing some of the information.

Since I have read over 25 books, watched hundreds of video and read even more blog posts and articles on Narcissistic Abuse,  a lot of the topics that we discussed such as the signs of a toxic relationship, traits of a narcissist, what makes people susceptible to being targeted by a narcissist, the narcissist and the co-dependent match up, narcissistic trauma bonding and no contact,  were topic that I was very familiar with already – but that is not to say that is was not interesting!

There were however some completely new concepts such as Quanta Freedom Healing that are specific to Melanie’s method. As I have a more cartesian approach to the world, it is still not entirely clear in my head, what this means. I will therefore give you the definition from her website:

Quanta Freedom Healing™ is a healing system which has revolutionised how we can heal from narcissistic abuse. The reason it is so effective is because a victim of narcissistic abuse is no longer left with the battle of trying to manage their abuse symptoms – such as anxiety, depression, Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, adrenal fatigue and agoraphobia (as well as other emotional, mental, physical and nervous system disorders) – but rather can internally cellularly release the trauma responsible for these symptoms. This generates healing that transcends mere “survivor” recoveries by creating “Thriver” recoveries, whereby the individual is more empowered, whole, confident and joyful than they have ever been, even before being narcissistically abused.

I have never been a very spiritual person but a lot of the things that Melanie mentioned seemed to make sense. Many people fail to heal from narcissistic abuse and thrive because they only engage in informational healing rather than transformational healing. I can say that it seems to be exactly what I have been doing. I am almost an expert on the topic of narcissism, however, seeking information outside of myself means that I am not looking inside myself to find the power to heal.

Using external information to heal, might be sufficient for superficial trauma but for deep rooted trauma, it is not adequate. We need to get to the root of the trauma (which often predates narcissistic abuse), release it and replace it.  We all carry some form of trauma that we have failed to heal and that is what the narcissist exploited. We saw the narcissist as the saviour of our wounds, but he was only the messenger of our deep-rooted wounds. Narcissistic abuse was the catalyst to our transformation.

In order to release the trauma, we need to turn inwards and not outwards.  We need to partner with ourselves. Blaming and shaming the narcissist or others is not constructive. It might provide us with some temporary relief, but the trauma is still here within us.

We are our best source of healing, but we don’t always know where to find that source inside us. We have disconnected our mind from our body. When we self-partner, we love ourselves unconditionally. We listen to our emotions.  We don’t shut them down. We reach for them. We release them. Then we can free ourselves of those past traumas and restrictive emotions.

According to Melanie, the people who hurt us the most are the people who fail to give us what we can’t find inside of us. If we are able to find that missing piece of our puzzle, then we can be whole and free of trauma. We hold our own power to heal and to thrive within ourselves.

Melanie demonstrated some of the visualisation techniques with the help of some volunteers during the workshop. They all seem to respond favourably and looked relief after the demonstration. I am not very good at visualising, so I cannot give you much information on the topic. If you are interested, you can check Melanie’s website and her YouTube videos.

There is a lot for me to explore in order to fully grasp those concepts. I have bought Melanie’s book You Can Thrive after Narcissistic Abuse and I am certain that when I finish reading it, everything will become  much clearer to me.


PS: There are many methods to heal from narcissistic abuse. I cannot say that one method is better than the other. What matters is that we find what works of us.


  1. This is so very helpful to me as I feel I have been trying to heal from an informational point of view as well. I will be sure to check out all the information you have so wonderfully provided! Thank you!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like it when Melanie tells her story. Several of her videos are amazing. The whole issue of narcissism is only just coming to the forefront here in Australia. I have tried to do my part to increase awareness. I take different things from different teachers. Very little appears to be known or understood about narcissism here in Australia and the toll it takes is particularly tragic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, Melanie’s story is very interesting. I watched a lot of her videos when I was at my lowest point. In the UK, it’s the same as in Australia, not many people are aware of Narcissistic Abuse. Yesterday I mentioned it to my GP and I could see by his expression that he had no idea what I was talking about and probably thought I was talking nonsense. Like you say, the effect are devastating and we need to do more to prevent people from losing their health, their mind and sometimes their life.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. One You Tuber pointed out that all this exposure appears to be changing the habits of toxic people. It is no longer so easy to silently abuse partners, so there are now more workplace bullying and random incidents.
    I know what you mean about blank looks. Doctors, lawyers etc need to get with the times when it comes to this issue. It is THE issue of our time. Toxic people are wreaking destruction and havoc everywhere.
    I love reading your blog. You are so proactive on this subject.
    The abuse survivor community is aware of narcissistic abuse here but almost nobody else.I was with a group of teachers and found two fellow abuse survivors and one who like me had seen deliberate gaslighting in the classroom.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for being such a faithful reader of my blog! There is a lot of work to do to raise awareness of Narcissistic Abuse. It is a worldwide epidemic, yet the problem is brushed under the carpet. I hope that health professionals, lawyers and the police will wake up to the abuse.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I love reading your blog and I look fprward to your posts. I fee; I have witnessed your struggles and most are pretty similar to my own. Although I did wonder when you were finally going to say bo more to him.
        I should talk, took me twenty years to get away.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow I had better turn on a light.
    This should have read:
    I love reading your blog and I look forward to your posts. I feel I have witnessed your struggles and most are pretty similar to my own. Although I did wonder when you were finally going to say no more to him.
    I should talk, took me twenty years to get away.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My struggles are very similar to all the victims of Narcissistic Abuse. The trauma bonding is so strong that we keep going back. Fortunately once we realise what we are dealing with, we can break the bond and move on. I was fortunate enough, not to have children with him and I wasn’t married to him either, otherwise it would have taken much longer to get away. Most of the women who really struggle are the ones who have to deal with divorce, custody battles and co-parenting ( or as Melanie calls it parallel parenting as there is no cooperation with a narcissist). It must be very difficult to handle especially with the total lack of understanding and empathy from most people.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I had realised it was not a battle I was going to win at that stage and had known I would have to wait. I decided I must be stuck for a reason. I decided I had been given a rare opportunity to learn and observe and thereby help others. I had not realised However the true extent of the damage which was being done until after it was over. Like you say I underestimated the strength of the trauma bond etc.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. They will eventually. I am always deeply suspicious now when people develop certain conditions, especially things like fibromyalgia. My youngsters are normally skeptical about this narcissistic abuse stuff but had recognised some form of abuse was likely a factor in the development of fybromalgia in somebody they knew.

    Liked by 1 person

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