Exposing a covert narcissist isn’t an easy thing to do because they don’t just gaslight their primary victims, they gaslight the public too. El Gorsvan
When I finally realised that my partner had Narcissistic Personality Disorder and had been deceiving me, abusing me and cheating on me from the onset of our relationship, my initial reaction was to unmask him and expose his deception to his friends, colleagues and family. The pain I experienced at the time was so intense that I needed an outlet. Exposing him and Inflicting pain on him seemed to be the answer, the panacea to alleviate my own pain.
However, since he had kept his life compartmentalised throughout our two-year relationship, I had never met his friends or colleagues and had no mean of contacting them. Moreover, I believe that most of them did not know of my existence as he wanted to perpetuate the illusion that he was available to new relationships.
To the few people who knew he was in a relationship, he had been smearing my character for a long time, describing me as over sensitive, jealous and controlling. He had told me many times that “all his friends knew I was crazy.” Therefore, my credibility was seriously impaired.
I was aware that exposing him was a dangerous attempt and that I might provide him with ammunition that he would throw back at me. Narcissists have no morals, no boundaries. They will do whatever is necessary for them to continue the charade that is their life. If I exposed his secrets, I knew that nothing would stop him to expose mine.
I also knew that in trying to expose him, I might provide him with the narcissistic supply that he so dearly needed in order to nourish his damaged ego and that he would use this to add to his pity play therefore attracting more attention to himself. “Look at what my crazy ex-girlfriend is doing to poor little me. She is vicious and malicious, while all I ever did was to love her!”
“While exposing the narcissist to the people in his life may help some of them to get a clue and stop allowing themselves to be his narcissistic supply, it’ll only temporarily slow the narcissist down. In fact, it’ll give him the proper fuel he needs to get his next supply on the line – his very own savior.” Angela Atkinson
Taking him to court for assault was another avenue that I considered in order to expose him as an abuser, but although the police was ready to arrest him and prosecute him, I knew that the probability of him being convicted was very low. I had been jury foreperson in a case of domestic abuse and marital rape a few years beforehand. In his summary report, the judge had made it clear that unless we were 100% sure of guilt and had proof to back it up, he expected a not guilty verdict. And indeed, after three hours of deliberation, we had to declare the defendant not guilty.
I was conscious of the fact that there was no tangible evidence or proof of assault. He was always very careful to only be abusive when there were no witnesses. It was my word against his word, and I was not ready to take the risk of losing. Especially when I knew how skilled he was at twisting the truth and charming people. He would probably have had the jury eating out of his hand!
“The vindictive narcissist’s hustle often takes in otherwise capable and intelligent people, including attorneys and judges. Most of us are hesitant to believe that every word an individual utters is an outright lie, especially if it is easily discovered. But that only works in the narcissist’s favor: It’s his words against yours, after all, and he doesn’t mind grandstanding.” Peg Streep
That left me, with the idea of exposing him through my blog.
When I first starting blogging, I would give some clues as to who he was, talking about his job as a personal trainer, his hobby as a bodybuilder, the fact that he was Spanish and twenty years younger than me. I also named all the women that he used to triangulate me with (only using firsts names). I was careful though not to give his full name or publish his photos, drawing or letters. He got mad one day, because I had written his first name in one of my blogs, I consequently removed it and replaced it by the initial. I did not want to face defamation or invasion of privacy claims on his part.
Eventually, I realise that his name is insignificant. There are many individuals like him. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are like clones of each other. No matter their nationality, language, religion or sexual orientation, they all behave in the same way, say the same things to hurt, use the same manipulation techniques to control and subdue. It is quite ironic considering that they think they are so unique!
Exposing him as a narcissistic abuser does not matter to me anymore it would only perpetuate his nefarious influence over my life. He eventually revealed himself to me and it is only a matter of time before he reveals his true nature to others too. He is nt my priority anymore. My priority is to heal from the abuse, move on and thrive.