#metoo_narcabuse

Tell your story. Shout it. Write it. Whisper it if you have to. But tell it. Some won’t understand it. Some will outright reject it. But many will thank you for it. And then the most magical thing will happen. One by one, voices will start whispering, ‘Me, too.’ And your tribe will gather. And you will never feel alone again. L.R. Knost

In my last post Getting Justice, I described how difficult it often is for victims of  Narcissistic Abuse to get justice because people are not educated about the severity and impact of this form of abuse and also because Narcissists are usually charming, charismatic and extremely adept at fooling others.

The post generated a few comments by people equally frustrated by their experience. One comment by a fellow blogger, Over That Rainbow, particularly caught my attention so I have decided to publish it as a post.

We need a #metoo_narcabuse campaign. Something that will give victims faces, numbers, voice, and visibility. I’d also say it needs to be well planned ahead so that we have videos made specifically for mainstream viewing, for awareness within the justice system, spokespeople, advocates, psychologists and other experts involved and engaged, as well as victims’ videos, blogs, and stories.

If enough critical mass is reached, victims who are still trapped and oblivious to the nature of the abuse will have a better chance of waking up. These people’s families and friends may also be able to spot it easier when they see it, and if nothing else resulted from it, that would already be a big step in the right direction.

However, I’ll agree that the justice system needs to start waking up for this as well. I know it’s difficult all around: it’s difficult to prove, it’s difficult for judges to tell who the victim is and who the abuser is, it’s difficult to put a system in place to help guide these issues legally and it’s also difficult to create awareness in the system.

I’ve been feeling very frustrated by this and I can’t think of any other better alternative other than to achieve power through numbers. And the only way to do this, currently, is through a worldwide #metoo style campaign, that has the potential to spread quickly and effectively.”

I totally agree with Over That Rainbow that in order to make ourselves heard, we need to join voices. There are many people talking about Narcissistic Abuse on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, websites and blogs but they are still almost only seen by a minority.

I like the idea of the #metoo_narcabuse campaign. By uniting forces, we can make people aware, we can make maybe people listen, we can make put Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Abuse on the map and thus maybe spare more victims. I have just created pascaleshealingjourney Instagram account to spread the word further.

Who’s with me?

 

19 comments

  1. The thing is we don’t know we’re victims of narcissistic abuse until we get out and start looking back. My family adored my ex-narc and I wwas chronically confused as to why he was so great and I couldn’t see it. It wasn’t until we separated and they watched how he handled our divorce that they started to question things. That was when I started telling stories and the truth came out. I never would have shared those stories when we were together because I was stuck in the cycle of believing I was at fault, falling apart, being love bombed, the diminished, etc. My shame at being a tremendous failure as a wife and mother prevented me from revealing anything truthful, you know?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know exactly what you are saying. I was the same, confused, ashamed and blaming myself for the failures of the relationship. I had never heard of narcissistic abuse or the manipulation techniques used in psychological abuse. That’s why it’s important to talk about it, so people can recognise the signs and get out before they get too hurt.

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  2. I guess I have a long way to go in recovering from the abuse I suffered, because I don’t feel very optimistic about trying to spread the word.

    I think it’s a rather different situation from talking about sexual harrassment/assault/abuse, because the proportion of people who will say #metoo vs the proportion who still just won’t get it and will shrug their shoulders and turn away, or will criticise and victim blame and even outright abuse and threaten (not to mention the narcissists themselves who will do their usual thing of claiming to be the real victims) is going to create a situation that is very, very smiliar to the original abuse and highly likely to be retraumatising rather than supportive. I don’t think I could bear to told by *another* several hundred people that I provoked it/deserved it/never happened/wasn’t that bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am totally with you. Narc abuse was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. I feel like i might never heal 100% from it. The thing that helped me was watching Angie Atkinson videos on youtube. I was conditioned to feel like I was the problem for so long, that once i started hearing other people’s stories, it made me feel like no, its not about blame. Its about being seduced by someone who masqueraded as everything youve ever wanted, only to break you down to nothingness. For me, i stopped taking care of myself, i stopped eating, stopped hydrating properly, and lived in a perpetual state of depression and stress. The gaslighting makes you question everything too. You feel like youre going mad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Narcissistic abuse is a terrible thing. Like you it is the worst thing I have ever had to face in my life. Angie Atkinson helped me too. I remember watching her videos and her “good morning survivors” greetings. It really got me through. That’s why it’s so important that we share our experience. There are too many victims of narcissistic abuse. Some are aware that they are but many are not. By spreading the word, I think we can really help others.

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      • I agree. Ive gotten some horrible responses even from family and friends acting like i have used him being a narc as a coping mechanism for why i ended it. It was as if he was amazing and I was just crazy. I feel like a lot of people going through it blame themselves.

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  4. I think it’s a great idea. Awareness is king and it only comes from large numbers and a concentrated effort. There are too many random split blogs, all of which are important but they are usually only read by other victims searching for answers. People who have not been hit by this (have not been scapegoated themselves) are totally oblivious to it. For me, the most important thing is to talk about narcissistic and otherwise disordered parents. That’s where it starts. The people who get most fucked up by narc partners are children of narcs. I am really passionate about this because my parents nearly psychologically destroyed me. I spent my entire adult life barely holding it together and trying to recover and then the narc came and ripped me apart. But to the majority of my relatives, I am the problem and my mother is the poor victim. They would even defend my father who used to bully me big time. It’s outrageous how people tend to side with these disordered types.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Very well put!! Terezapultarova, I do not have this personal experience myself, so how do you think would be the ideal way to educate people about this? I also agree that there are too many random split blogs, it’s like trying to sing in a choir, but the voices are physically too far apart for the melody to be heard. This needs to be a concentrated effort, the voices need to be put together in one place to generate a sound that is loud enough.

      And it made me think of something else too: parents who are not disordered need to be educated about narcissistic abuse in order to 1) protect their children from it and 2) educate their children on what abuse looks like, beyond sexual and physical, so they will know what to watch out for as they grow up. I wrote about this in this blog post: https://overthatrainbow.com/2018/12/04/abuse-equals-leaving/ if anyone is interested.

      Had we been educated on what emotional and psychological abuse looks like, we wouldn’t have been so oblivious to it when it happened.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m in!! But I want to address this first:

    I completely understand where DV is coming from in their comment and I will agree, there is a real possibility that that scenario may happen. And that can be discouraging, no question about it. But with that being said, what’s the alternative? Silence? I’m not sure I feel comfortable with that option either.

    Look at us here, in comments everywhere. How many of us are sharing stories and opinions behind a screen name, out of fear, or shame, embarrassment? Even when we speak out, we feel like we need to be cautious. We are already revictimized.

    I can’t say I have this all figured out, in fact, I think a #metoo_narcabuse campaign could go in many different directions, to include not being noticed at all. And I also think that people who aren’t ready to engage should proceed with caution before adhering to such a campaign. But on the other hand, I feel like there are many, many people out there who are ready, and already engaged, who may want to represent all the faceless victims. Personally, I’m in no position to be a face for this campaign, but at the same time, I’m also not so early in my recovery that I wouldn’t be willing to actively engage backstage, coordinating or helping to coordinate efforts.

    The truth is if something like this becomes loud enough to catch mainstream media attention, there will be naysayers and people questioning virtually every aspect of it, and the validity of every claim. What is abuse? Are these people way too sensitive or is this actual abuse? The media thrives on debate and drama, therefore, opposition is bound to ensue. This is why I said it needs to be well planned so that advocates and spokespeople are ready to deal with this type of situation and aren’t caught unprepared. In fact, if we can predict this scenario, we’ll be a step ahead and able to explain: victims are often times blamed and victim shaming and guilting revictimizes them and does society a disservice. This, in fact, this is at the very core of the issue: victims are made to feel guilty and then made to look like they are the bad person and it’s crushing.

    Ultimately, we are not going to get 100% of people to agree or even understand. But I think this actually misses the point. The purpose of this can’t revolve around our own validation – instead, it needs to be about helping victims to identify the signs and patterns so they can start protecting themselves.

    My take on the idea about this campaign would be to engage some very credible and knowledgeable sources to educate and debate, if necessary. I’d like to hear your suggestions on who these people could be. I have a few names in mind, like Dr. Ramani, Ross Rosenberg, Jackson MacKenzie – people with credentials, best-selling books, specialists who will actually VALIDATE victims voices and the claims that are being made. Particularly people who are already proficient at successfully articulating what needs to be communicated and can’t be questioned in their expertise.

    Without having the right people on board, I agree, there is no point in engaging at all. DV is right. But I believe we can have an overall positive aftermath if this is well planned.

    Thoughts?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am past wondering if people will support me or not but there was a time when it really bothered me. Like you said getting the right people on board is important. I am attending a workshop by Melanie Tonia Evans on 16th February a I am hoping I will have the opportunity to speak to her. That would be a start. Also we need to create a platform where we can communicate.

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    • Guys, I slept over this and I wanted to add this to my previous comment:

      Yesterday I spent some time watching videos on the Chris Watts case after watching a video from Meredith at Inner Integration about it. Prior to yesterday, I was vaguely aware of the case, but hadn’t really looked into it. In her video, Meredith says that what’s chilling about it for us is that it could have been any of us – and our children, for that matter. That deeply resonated with me. Additionally, over the weekend I had also watched “The People vs O.J Simpson” on Netflix, being reminded of how despite all the evidence, he somehow got away with murder, only to be put in jail later for other crimes.

      I don’t know about you, but I feel revolted and sick to my stomach to think about what these monsters did to these victims. What we’ve all been through is sick and crushing, but we are still here and in position to speak out. “All it takes for evil to win is for good to stand by and do nothing”.

      In Chris Watts’ case, it’s a known fact that he is a narcissist and psychopath – what people don’t realize is that narcissism is at the basis of all of the cluster B personality disorders. So narcissism is at the core of the worst atrocities perpetrated against individuals and mankind.

      The reason why that case was so shocking and chilling to everyone was the fact that they looked like a normal, supposedly happy family. People tend to look at criminals (serial killers, murderers) as a distant reality, nobody ever thinks they could be the victim. But when the narcissist/psychopath next door strikes, all of a sudden this is a different story and it gets people’s attention.

      I feel a responsibility to speak out and help educate, I don’t want to feel like I could help prevent future crimes, even if in a small way, by not sharing what I know to be true. And don’t get me wrong, I’m scared too, I’ll be honest. I’m not immune to my ex-narc’s wrath and neither is my son for that matter. But you know what I find even scarier? That while being the victim we are made to look as the abuser, simply because we never, ever speak out. Narcissists are spreading lies about us, then intentionally provoking reactions to prove those lies “true”. And we have NOTHING to fall back on because we never said a word to the outside world.

      This has to stop. Think about all victims out there who are going through unimaginable abuse and fear, don’t we wish someone would have educated us on the signs of narcissistic behavior, gaslighting and everything else we now recognize were things we lived in oblivion? I certainly do, therefore, I’m willing to move forward with this campaign and ask God to guide me and protect me.

      I have no idea if this will actually turn into a widespread campaign, but I can tell you this: I feel now even more engaged than before. For myself, for my son, for survivors, and for victims everywhere.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Totally agree. I’ve started blog post, Facebook page, Facebook group and you tube, I want to support and help as many as possible to get through this raise as much awareness as possible, hoping, to eventually get it into the school system to educate children about the manipulation and not just bully’s, getting more awareness out their for, child phycologists, judges, solicitors. As the narcissist has a talent of making you look crazy and them the victim.

    If anyone would like to help support this campaign.

    https://m.facebook.com/beyourselfagaintoday/

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you so much, feel free to share the Facebook far and wide. I want to help reach out to as many as possible. With all the information I’ve researched over the last few years in one place, By the end of the year There will be a massive campaign going, the process has started. I’ve just got to build the foundations first, but believe it’s going to be done. My main aim whilst trying to raise awareness is to help as many people as I possibly can so they know they’re not alone. Can recover and have an amazing life for themselves. Thank you. We’ve all got each other as sadly we all know what it’s like to go through.

    Liked by 1 person

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