Getting justice

I’m for truth, no matter who tells it. I’m for justice, no matter who it’s for or against. Malcolm X

Narcissistic Abuse is a terrible injustice perpetrated on defenceless and, very often oblivious, victims. When the truth about the abuse finally transpires, many victims turn to the law to try to get justice for the terrible harm that was inflicted on them.  However, justice is still lagging when it comes to psychological abuse because evidencing that an offence has taken place can prove difficult if not impossible.

Very often, the victim is seen as responsible for the abuse that took place as “it takes two to tango” or the abuse is being played down as “just a toxic relationship.” Only when a more serious crime such as ABH, GBH or murder takes place will the police proceed to an arrest and decide press charges.

In the UK, on 29 December 2015, Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 created a new offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship. The offence was defined as follows:

An offence is committed by A if A repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person, B, that is controlling or coercive; and at time of the behaviour, A and B are personally connected; and the behaviour has a serious effect on B; and A knows or ought to know that the behaviour will have a serious effect on B.

There are two ways in which it can be proved that A’s behaviour has a ‘serious effect’ on B, If it causes B to fear, on at least two occasions, that violence will be used against them or If it causes B serious alarm or distress which has a substantial adverse effect on their day-to-day activities.

It is clear to me that Narcissistic Abuse falls within the scope of this law. Nonetheless, the police do not consider it so because most times, there is no tangible proof that the victim was abused.

I discussed this topic  in one of my earlier posts The Right Thing, written nearly two years ago in May 2017. I had broken up with him the previous month and was in a terrible state emotionally and mentally. The police were ready to charge my ex-boyfriend for physical assault, but as far as coercive or controlling behaviour was concerned, they did not think that the account of the psychological abuse I gave amounted to such an offence.

There is still a long way to go before the justice system recognises Narcissistic Abuse as a crime and brings the offenders to justice but with the development of technology, there should be new ways to record evidence that can be used to prosecute offenders.

I believe that it is important that victims continue sharing their experiences in order to raise awareness of this hidden form of abuse and its devastating consequences. Narcissistic Abuse leaves scars that may be invisible to others, but they do exist, and they ruin lives.  I would like to turn my personal struggle into a collective struggle. United we can achieve more!

One day victims will be able to get justice for Narcissistic Abuse and perpetrators will get their just desert.


  1. There are sections of The Family Violence Act (2008) here .which forbid physical and mental abuse. However understandably few are ready to use it yet. There are also parts of the Australian Constitution (1901) which I feel may cover it. I tried to educate all the legal people I met on narcissistic abuse. However change takes an awfully long time to filter through the legal system. For me the mental abuse was far worse than the physical.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think police officers and lawyers as well as health workers need to learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Abuse, so that they can recognise the signs. The law is partially there but enforcing it is not easy and very often the victim is blamed.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The biggest problem are the smug passive aggressive and covert aggressive ones. The ones that mess with your head and trigger you into acting out. My ex hacked my Skype, which is a criminal act but it was him who reported me to police after I snapped and sent him some emails after I finally discovered the truth. N abuse is too complex and they are frequently too smug and the law punishes the victim.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We need a #metoo_narcabuse campaign. Something that will give victims faces, numbers, voice, and visibility. I’d also say it needs to be well planned ahead so that we have videos made specifically for mainstream viewing, for awareness within the justice system, spokespeople, advocates, psychologists and other experts involved and engaged, as well as victims videos, blogs, and stories. If enough critical mass is reached, victims who are still trapped and oblivious to the nature of the abuse will have a better chance of waking up, these people’s families and friends may also be able to spot it easier when they see it, and if nothing else resulted from it, that would already be a big step in the right direction. However, I’ll agree that the justice system needs to start waking up for this as well. I know it’s difficult all around: it’s difficult to prove, it’s difficult for judges to tell who is the victim and who is the abuser, it’s difficult to put a system in place to help guide these issues legally and it’s also difficult to create awareness in the system. I’ve been feeling very frustrated by this and I can’t think of any other better alternative other than to achieve power through numbers. And the only way to do this, currently, is through a worldwide #metoo style campain, that has the potential to spread quickly and effectively.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I was so pleased to agree that you want to fight back. So do I. Oddly enough I am less concerned with the narcissists than I am with the way we are being treated in general. My most nightmarish experiences were not with the narcissist, they were with the various authorities who should have known better. The police came to my aid eventually but it took many years. I found a psychologist who understood but that took even longer. I had almost nowhere to turn. I found a couple of friends who believed me eventually but as for anybody in authority, forget it I wasn’t llike them therefore I was wrong. He was charming, therefore he continually got sympathetic looks and support. I just struggled on through trying to raise two youngsters while getting nothing but grief from people. Sometimes I feel completely betrayed. You are so right. In my own way my blog is my way of reaching out and saying “me too”, I understand why victims self-isolate. Almost nobody believed us or stood by us when we needed them. My Christmas card listis much shorter than it used to be these days.

      Liked by 1 person

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