A pat on the back

Pat yourself in the back when you win. And when you don’t, just get moving! So long as you don’t stop moving, soon you may realize how close you are to winning! Chinonye J. Chidolue

As the holiday season is starting, I am taking the opportunity to reflect on the year gone by. 2018 has been a good year, a year of new projects and positive changes. After a few years of going through hell, it was greatly deserved.

Although my relationship with him was relatively short lived (What are four years in a lifetime?), the intensity of the abuse was immense and its effects devastating and long lasting.

It all started in 2014….

That year, I became involved with B, aka The Narcissist, after the collapse of my 21-year marriage. The following year, he moved to my town and, unknown to me, the devaluation stage of Narcissistic Abuse started.

In 2016, Narcissistic Abuse reached its peak. I became depressed and suicidal. I became a shadow of my former self… Until I realised that he was the cause of my breakdown.

So, in 2017, I ended my relationship with B. That year was an educational year. I found out about narcissistic abuse and began my healing journey. Unfortunately, the bound was too strong and I got involved with him again.

2018 has been a succesful year in my healing journey.  That is why today, I am blowing my own trumpet and giving myself a big pat on the back!

It all started in April…

On the 9th of April, I severed the ties that kept me bound to him, went No Contact, and regained control of my life!

In May and June, I attended several dragon boat races, which gave me focus and provided me with a distraction, helping me to stay firm with my No Contact decision. The anxiety I felt on the starting line was normal and disappeared once the start call was given. It was exhilarating.

In July, I got a new job.  I am now a Senior ESOL Tutor, I am training as a Google Educator and as a Digital Champion, I am mentoring other tutors.

In September, My Dragon Boat Club came first in the BDA Women’s League and third as a club. It was great to be part of this. I made some new friends and was later voted in as Social Secretary.

In October, I started becoming more involved in the charity that I volunteer for. As a trustee and secretary, I am now trying to secure long-term funding, so that we can continue providing free counselling to the local community.

In November, I decided to reclaim my home as a peaceful haven instead of the crime scene that it had become. I upgraded my heating system and redecorated rooms. It is nice to be able to relax there after work.

This takes us to December. It is mid-December now and I am just starting my holiday break after a very busy successful year.

I am proud of what I achieved in 2018. In 2017, I was a broken woman. I had lost hope. I had lost purpose. I had lost myself. I thought that I was doomed and would never recover. But here I am today with renewed hope, a clear purpose and more confidence than I have ever had in my life.

If you have never been at the receiving and of Narcissistic Abuse, you might find it hard to imagine the appalling psychological damage that it causes. If you have been and you survived, give yourself a huge pat on the back! You are strong, you are brave, and you deserve it!


  1. This is a beautiful reflection of your year. So inspiring. Although this year has beaten my family down – due to narcissistic abuse and parental alienation via my husband’s ex wife – I’m trying to see this year as a battle I’ve survived. Your post gives me the inspiration to see it this way. Congratulations to you, friend, for making an awesome comeback after severing ties!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If I had a trumpet I’d blow it too in celebration of YOU! So happy for you Pascale and appreciate all your positive vibes👍👍👍. You give me hope and inspiration to take charge of where I want to take this wonderful life of mine❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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