Do your little bit of good where you are, it’s those little bit of goods put together that overwhelm the world. Desmond Tutu
Narcissistic Abuse seems to be an ever-growing problem. Many people have fallen victim to the mind games of a narcissists and are struggling to rebuild their lives. Unfortunately, there isn’t much that can be done to bring the abusers to justice or get them to take responsibility for their acts. Narcissistic Abuse is not a criminal offence. It leaves no tangible evidence apart from deep psychological trauma and is therefore hard to prove. Many narcissists are prosecuted for collateral offences such as assault, stalking, controlling or coercive behaviour, but never for the core of their abuse.
A culture of victim blaming surrounds Narcissistic Abuse. We brought it up on us. We are empaths, co-dependents, echoists and that is why we let ourselves be abused. Meanwhile, abusers continue to abuse. Until psychologists wise up, social services clue up and the law catches up, all we can do is raise awareness and hope that victims will recognise the red flags before they get too strongly entangled with their abuser. I am trying to do my bit and use my experience to make people aware of the devious tactics that manipulators use and therefore spare people some of the heartache I went through.
I refuse to be silent. I do not feel shame. I do not feel regret. I was unaware of what was happening to me at the time. Therefore, I talk openly about the abuse I was subjected to and it is quite frightening how many people relate to what I say. When they understand that they are not alone, it is a huge relief for them. They start making sense of things and the shame that they carry becomes less. They realise that is it not their fault. It does not matter what our background is, we are all susceptible to the mind games of narcissists.
By writing my blog, I am trying to show people that there is life after Narcissistic Abuse. I do not do it to expose my ex-partner. I do not wish him harm. I just wish he would stop harming people. I do it because I want to validate my experience and at the same time validate other people’s experience. We are not alone. We have been abused but it does not have to be a life sentence. I truly believe that my experience has made me a stronger person. I am not trivialising the abuse in any way and I know that some people were subjected to it for much longer than I was. However, life does not stop here. It might not feel like it now, but eventually it will. There was a time when I thought my life was over, but then I realised that it was just the beginning of something new. I want other people to realise this too.
To take things further, I have decided to organise an event at my college for World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. It is still months away, as it falls on June 1st, but I believe in being prepared. I am planning to organise a screening of the 1944 film Gaslight with a Q&A session about Gaslighting and Narcissistic Abuse afterwards. I have contacted the Safeguarding Officer and he seems to be on board. I hope that people will respond to the idea. Whatever happens, I am trying to make good of a bad thing. I am trying to do my bit to let people know that however broken and hopeless they might feel now, there is something better around the corner.
We have been conned. We have been deceived. We have been hurt. We have been broken. We may feel rage. We may feel shame. We may feel regretful. We may feel vindictive. We may feel lost. we may feel hopeless. We may still feel bound to our abuser. We may have hit rock bottom. But we are still alive!
We can either feel defeated or we can fight back. We can do our bit to make a difference. We may not be able to change the world but if we can make a difference in one’s person life, then it is all worth it.