Sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences. Robert Louis Stevenson
While I was tidying up my house, in my renewed energy state, I found some notebooks with posts I had written but never published. The reason I had not published them, was that, at the time, I was still involved with him and I did not want to cause him a narcissistic injury which would have then provoked a narcissistic rage incident and additional pain for me. He had discovered my blog the first time that I had gone No Contact, and reading my posts would enrage him. “You talk shit about me in your blog. You don’t even respect my privacy, my past. Talking about me like a fucking playboy without feelings. Who are you? Are you better than me? “
Now that I have gone No Contact permanently, I can do whatever I wish to do without fear of repercussion, so I will publish these posts that I was too afraid to publish previously.
Here is one of them: Smelling of Roses
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are notorious for getting away with their abuse and never fully facing the consequences of their actions. They stir the shit (Pardon my French) in our lives, but when it hits the fan, we are the ones smelling like manure while they come up smelling of roses. This is one of the most infuriating things about Narcissistic Abuse. The thing that keeps us angry, vindictive and revengeful.
Whatever they say, whatever they do to us, we end up looking like the guilty party while they play the innocent victim of a machination orchestrated by our ‘unstable minds’. They use underhand tactics to destabilise, devalue and destroy but it is never their fault. They have no intention of hurting the people they ‘love’. After all they are the eternal victim.
They always find a reason to justify their behaviour. They had a bad childhood. They were neglected, rejected or abused. They are the wounded. They grew up being abused, so they know nothing else. They have no choice but to abuse.
Some people truly believe that Narcissistic Abuse is unintentional, because narcissists cannot control their behaviour and they are not aware of the harm they cause. I do not believe this at all. They have a choice. They choose, who, where and when to unleash the abuse. They lie to cover their tracks, which is proof enough that they know what they are doing.
They are fully aware of the hurt and distress they cause and it provides them with top of the range narcissistic supply. They are aware, but they do not care. It is not about us anyway, it is solely about them and their feelings. We are the ones who are insecure, controlling and crazy. We are the ones who stink, while they emit the sweet smell of roses.
We ended our relationship with his reputation unscathed, while mine was in the sewer. He was the poor guy who had been abandoned ‘again’ by an ungrateful ex-girlfriend who actually had the audacity of calling the police when he became violent. How painful it was for him!
When dealing with narcissists, we must forget the wounded child inside them and their apparent vulnerability. We must not listen to their tales of woes. We must stop making excuses for them. They are adults and capable of choice. They are not victims. They are abusers. They might come up smelling of roses right now, but one day they will face their day of reckoning.