Finding purpose

To lead a purposeful life, follow your passions. When we live a passion-filled life we are living on purpose, and that is the purpose of life. Shannon Kaiser

When my relationship with my narcissistic ex-partner ended, I was totally lost. Although I had instigated the break-up, it seemed that I had lost my raison d’être. I did not know what to do with myself anymore. I felt that there was no point in living. I had lost my sense of purpose.

What I had not realised is that by starting a relationship with him, was that I had unwittingly entered a cult, the cult of his ego. My relationship had indeed all the characteristic of a cult: the charismatic leader, the indoctrination process and the economic or sexual exploitation. I had become one of his many blind followers. I had been promised salvation and eternal love and that had become the purpose of my life.

During our relationship, my life was almost entirely devoted to him and the furtherance of his agenda. Every hour of every day was spent in meeting his needs and helping him achieve his goals. His purpose had become my purpose and if I previously had had another purpose in life, it not longer counted.  Only HIS purpose mattered.

When I eventually decided to end the relationship and found myself on my own again, I felt an intense loneliness and a sense of purposelessness and disconnection. HE had been MY purpose in life and suddenly there was nothing. I was going through life aimlessly hoping that it would soon be over as I did not see the point in living.

This lack of purpose in my life contributed to me getting back with him for almost another year post break-up. I needed something to get me going through life and I thought that he was the answer to my prayers. I thought that helping him be successful was my purpose in life. However, I quickly realised that this was not an impossible task and that a life of lies and betrayals was not what I had been born for.

Finding my purpose in life again has not been easy, after nearly four years of invalidation of my feelings, my wishes and my dream, I had forgotten all about the things that mattered to me. But I knew that there had to be something that I wanted to live for.

At first, I did not know where to start looking. So, I read numerous blogs, articles and books until one day, I found an article that resonated with me and made me realise that my life had meaning WITHOUT HIM.  I just needed to reconnect with my own life, my values and my passions. Then I would find my purpose in life.

Shannon Kaiser says that finding our purpose is directly related to finding our passions and acting on them:” That feeling that something is missing goes away when you lead a passion-filled life. The need to seek our purpose comes from a lack of passion. When you don’t feel connected to your life, you lack purpose and passion. To fix this emptiness simply add more passion. To boil it down, remember this simple equation: Passion + Daily Action = Purposeful Life.”

By following my passions such as teaching, dragon boating, learning new things and writing, I have slowly regained a sense of purpose to my life. I am now more fulfilled and satisfied than I have ever been.

Narcissists create the illusion that we are nothing without them, but we are so much more…


  1. I’m glad you’ve found, and are continuing to find, your way. It’s not an easy task to do. I think we all struggle with it on a day to day, moment to moment basis. So many little “triggers” can try to nudge us back into the past. But by being aware of your triggers, and by staying “present,” it is possible to live the life YOUR soul intended. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

      • I also left my Narcissist 2 years ago. I’m just now resurfacing and beginning to SWIM! I am amazed at all the space I have on my plate. That abusive relationship occupied every inch of my mind for a whole decade. I “left” myself midway without even realizing I had done so. Now, I am back and I have lots of space to do the things I love and enjoy. Blogging is a new endeavor, but I am really enjoying this journey. I’m happy you rediscovered yourself and freedom!

        Liked by 1 person

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