The only limits you have are the limits you believe. Wayne Dyer
Last weekend I took part in national league dragon boat races in Exeter. Our club came first in the 200 m ladies for the third time in a row, so we were all delighted. However, we were quite disheartened because we were struggling with the open races. Open races are mixed teams with no restrictions. There can be any number of men or women on a boat. Since our crew only had five men, we were at a clear disadvantage.
Our team captain asked us what we thought the difference was between racing for the ladies and racing for the opens. My answer was that we believed we could win the ladies races, but the open races seemed impossible because our team was made of five men and twelve women and we were competing against crews who had over ten men. The captain told us that there was no reason why we couldn’t win. If we wanted it enough then we could win something. So, filled with this new belief we did our race and came first in our category! It is amazing what difference a bit of self-belief makes!
I am telling this story because I want to draw a parallel with my healing journey. When I first broke up with him I was full of self-limiting beliefs. I thought that I was weak and broken forever, that I could not live without him, that I would never get better and be happy again. I was despondent and helpless. There was a constant mind chatter going on in my head telling me that I could not do it on my own, that I did not have the skills and that I was a failure.
My inner voice was my worst enemy and was preventing me from moving on. The beliefs that I had about myself and life in general were very limiting. I accepted them as the truth even if I had no proof that they were true.
Many of us have those self-limiting beliefs. They are instilled into us. We are made to believe that in order to be fulfilled and happy we need to be in a relationship. We are made to believe that the failure of a relationship is always down to both parties, that being abused is partly our fault, that after the age of fifty we will never find a partner again because men want younger women.
Those beliefs were the reason I went back to him. I was convinced that he was my last chance and I was petrified to be alone. When I told him that we were over, he himself told me: “I never thought you would leave me, because you are too afraid to be alone.” I was afraid indeed. But then I started reading many stories and I learnt about self-limiting beliefs. I changed my mindset. Instead of thinking “I can’t”, I began to think “I can”. Other people had done it and there was no reason why I couldn’t. “I won’t get better” turned into “I will get better”. “I am unable to live on my own” became “I am able to live on my own.” I challenged my beliefs and set myself a whole new belief system. It was not easy, but with faith, determination and commitment, it was possible.
Whatever I want to be, I can be. Whatever I want to do, I can do. The only limits are the ones I set myself. I survived Narcissistic Abuse and that is an amazing achievement. I am now making a new life for myself and my children and that feels good. Will I ever find love again? I believe it is possible.
If we believe, we can achieve. There are no limits.
Watch this space!