I am a work in progress, truly a unique yet unfinished masterpiece. Maria Koszler
I have read that in order to write a good blog you need to plan in advance what you are going to write about. Usually I have some ideas of what I want to say. But then again I have absolutely no idea. I am never quite sure where my healing journey is taking me. Sometimes I take a wrong turn and I end up in a place that I did not want to be.
Last week I wanted to write a post about Post Traumatic Growth. Everything was going perfectly well. I was handling No Contact without any trouble. I had won two medals for the 500 m mixed at my dragon boating competition in Cyprus and I had had a fantastic weekend. However, after I got back, I became ill. Nothing much. Just a cold. Yet it meant that I could not go training or take part in races. Also, my birthday came up and I was half expecting him to get back in touch with me, therefore I was anxious as I was not sure how I would react. Consequently, I did not feel that I wanted to write about Post Traumatic Growth. I wanted to write about anxiety. Then I wanted to write about anger and guilt. I was confused.
I held off posting though because the right expressions were not coming to my mind. It was like a narcissistic word salad in my head. There were ideas. There were words. However, nothing made sense. After my exhilarating experience in Cyprus, I was feeling dispirited. It was not clear what had triggered this sudden change in mood. But that it was the healing process is like.
Healing is never a plain sailing journey. There are good days and bad days. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. I am never quite sure what awaits me around the corner. What bumps in the road I will hit. What hazards I will encounter. Although I am firmly in the driving seat, there is always something unexpected that can happen. Then my journey needs to be rerouted and I need to revise my plans.
This does not mean that I am not experiencing Post Traumatic Growth, because I truly believe that I am. This means that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder does not disappear. Both can happen concurrently. They do not exclude each other. I just need to handle the two at the same time.
As I am writing this today, I am on a high again. My health is better, and I have made new plans to train as a Life Coach. Plan is not entirely the appropriate word. I have COMMITTED to training. I attended a two-day foundation course yesterday and the day before and I have signed up to do the full training, a Level 5 Diploma in Personal Performance Coaching!
I feel like I am following in the step of all the people that have helped me on my journey to recovery and healing. Richard Grannon, who went on to form his Spartan Life Coaching Company. Melanie Tonia Evans. Angela Atkinson. Kim Saeed… People who have turned a traumatic experience into something positive and have gone on helping many others.
Well, you see what I mean. Whether I will turn this into a business remains to be seen. However, I know that it will help me move forward and further develop myself. I have nothing to lose.
I am excited and anxious at the same time. The course was expensive and now I will have to tighten my belt for a few months. There is also a lot of studying and hands on practice that I will need to do. I love learning new things though, so I am looking forward to it.
As you can see, I am truly a work in progress.
Sometimes progress is slow. Sometimes it momentarily comes to a halt and then speeds up again.
The only things that matters is that it is still progress and I need to keep the momentum going…