There are some places in life where you can only go alone. Embrace the beauty of your solo journey. Mandy Hale
It is now Day 10 of No Contact and I have to say that it has proven to be much easier than I thought it would be. I think that this time I had really reached the end of my tether and that I could not bear being exposed to his constant lies and mystifications anymore.
Of course, it is not the first time that I have gone No Contact. When I first ended our relationship, we did not contact each other for about two months. He was scared that I would report him to the police for common assault, so he was laying low. I was completely broken at the time and educating myself about Narcissistic Abuse and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so was adamant that I would not see him or talk to him again.
However, I was the one who broke No Contact that time. My mental health state was very poor, and my physical health had deteriorated too. I was convinced that I was dying of lung cancer. I guess a combination of anxiety and pneumonia made me feel as if I was on my last leg and strangely enough, the only person that I wanted by my side when getting the result of my chest X-ray was him. A friend of mine had offered to come with me, but I wanted him to be there.
I was given a clean bill of health but then the madness and crazy making of a relationship with a narcissist started all over again.
Sometimes I would block him when I discovered another betrayal, sometimes he would block me so he would not have to acknowledge his fault, but it was never for any longer than a week or two. Such was the pull of the magnetic attraction that I could not stay away from him for any long period of time.
This time I feel different. I really think THIS IS IT!
I am finally flying solo!
It is time for me to stretch my wings, step off the crazy train, discover myself and embrace life on my own.
I am writing this post while on my way to Cyprus for a Dragon Boating Festival, so now, I am literally flying! I am looking at the ground below as we are flying over the Alps and I feel free. I feel peaceful. I feel weightless…
My healing journey is going to be much faster now because I am not carrying extra baggage – well I hope that on the way back I will be carrying a medal….
I feel liberated, exhilarated and confident.
I’m flying solo and I like it!
PS: By the time I am publishing this, it is Day 11!