Flying solo

There are some places in life where you can only go alone. Embrace the beauty of your solo journey. Mandy Hale

It is now Day 10 of No Contact and I have to say that it has proven to be much easier than I thought it would be. I think that this time I had really reached the end of my tether and that I could not bear being exposed to his constant lies and mystifications anymore.

Of course, it is not the first time that I have gone No Contact. When I first ended our relationship, we did not contact each other for about two months. He was scared that I would report him to the police for common assault, so he was laying low. I was completely broken at the time and educating myself about Narcissistic Abuse and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so was adamant that I would not see him or talk to him again.

However, I was the one who broke No Contact that time. My mental health state was very poor, and my physical health had deteriorated too. I was convinced that I was dying of lung cancer. I guess a combination of anxiety and pneumonia made me feel as if I was on my last leg and strangely enough, the only person that I wanted by my side when getting the result of my chest X-ray was him. A friend of mine had offered to come with me, but I wanted him to be there.

I was given a clean bill of health but then the madness and crazy making of a relationship with a narcissist started all over again.

Sometimes I would block him when I discovered another betrayal, sometimes he would block me so he would not have to acknowledge his fault, but it was never for any longer than a week or two. Such was the pull of the magnetic attraction that I could not stay away from him for any long period of time.

This time I feel different. I really think THIS IS IT!

I am finally flying solo!

It is time for me to stretch my wings, step off the crazy train, discover myself and embrace life on my own.

I am writing this post while on my way to Cyprus for a Dragon Boating Festival, so now, I am literally flying! I am looking at the ground below as we are flying over the Alps and I feel free. I feel peaceful. I feel weightless…

My healing journey is going to be much faster now because I am not carrying extra baggage – well I hope that on the way back I will be carrying a medal….

I feel liberated, exhilarated and confident.

I’m flying solo and I like it!

PS: By the time I am publishing this, it is Day 11!

19 comments

  1. I just stumbled accross your blog. I am in your situation. My husband is traveling this week (china, India) but he moved out in June and into our ranch house (his “harem” and his horses). He moves there to punish me but i changed the game this time. I have been doing “little contact” after i read books recommended to me about narcissistic abuse. And this time i made his leaving a “legal separation”…well at least we are in the process. It’s complicated in North Carolina. Sometimes i feel strong but most of the time i feel low. Society is judgemental here in the “Bible Belt” of the USA however, i have even had the support of our Pastor who witnessed my husband’s rage and was shocked. Too long of a comment i know…but it’s comforting actually that my nightmare is not limited to my imagination. He told me i was crazy for years. I am just finding out who he really is.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Believe me I know how hard this isbut it is by far the best way. Reward yourself for every day/week you manage.
    I was told my brain fog would clear the longer I was away from him. It took a few months but I could not believe the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Mine is a chronic gaslighter. I had no idea what he was doing to me. You might notice a difference now you have initiated full no-contact. It is mind-boggling, when we realise the severity of the effects.they have. They do it so slowly we often don’t realise.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is so true. Sometimes I would miss it and then realise he was gaslighting me although his favourite was triangulation but they both go hand in hand. I agree that it is so subtle that we don’t always see it. Now and then I would tell myself:” wait a minute, that was gaslighting.” I’m glad I am out of it. There is nothing good that can come out of a relationship with a narcissist. Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me and helps me a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

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