I rant, therefore I am. Dennis Miller
This post is addressed to the victim-bashers, who rub salt unto my already painful wounds; the gas-lighters who think I am making a mountain out of a molehill; the deniers, who brush things under the carpet and the good-intentioned, who are paving the road to hell.
When I usually write, I try to stay quite poised and rational, but today, I need to get a few things of my chest.
Let’s get started.
- No, he wasn’t JUST an arsehole! He was a COLD, CRUEL and CALCULATING arsehole, who had Narcissistic Personality Disorder and slowly and methodically tried to destroy me with all his manipulative techniques. Putting a label to his personality may mean nothing to you but it helps me make sense of things.
- No, I did not make up the whole Narcissistic Personality Disorder ‘thing’ up! Just because you haven’t heard about it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. It is not only my perception. It is real.
- No, I did not ‘allow’ him to abuse me! I was not aware that I was being abused. He tricked me with his Trojan horse love bombing subterfuge and once I let him inside my heart, he started his campaign of destruction.
- Abuse is abuse, no matter what form it takes! You wouldn’t start comparing different types of cancers if someone told you they had cancer: “Well at least, you ONLY have breast cancer, you could have had lung cancer and that’s much worse!”
- Yes, you can get PTSD from a toxic relationship! I heard you scoff, when I said I had PTSD. I haven’t fought in a war or been involved in a car crash but I experienced a violent and sustained assault on my spirit, my psyche, my self-esteem and it left me with many psychological injuries.
- Yes, it was that bad! But I didn’t leave because I was surrounded by the darkness of depression and anxiety and I couldn’t find the door out.
- Yes, I find it hard to stay No Contact! Threatening me with the loss of your support or friendship if I stay in touch with him does not help me. It is emotional blackmail and I have had enough of being manipulated.
- No, “I told you so” is not helpful at all! What else can I say?
- No, I can’t JUST forget about it! I need to heal and it takes time. You cannot see my wounds, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t exist and that I am not suffering. You wouldn’t ask someone with a broken leg to just walk it off.
- Yes, I need to do it my way. It might not be the way you would deal with things but regaining control is part of my healing journey. I might make mistakes along the way, but I will get there. All I need is your support and understanding.
I think I’m about done with my ranting and raving. When we keep our emotions bottled up, one day the bottle cracks.