Change is the end result of all true learning. Leo Buscaglia
I have not posted for a few weeks as I have been busy preparing to go back to work after a long summer break. I am about to start a new academic year and I am looking forward to it. I am in a much better frame of mind than I was at this same time last year.
Being a teacher is a demanding job and takes up a lot of energy. I teach adults, so it is perhaps not as draining as teaching children or teenagers but the profession is nonetheless extremely stressful. In September last year, I was at a very low point. I had just been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and was experiencing panic attacks as well as insomnia. I was extremely restless, while at the same time completely exhausted. I found it almost impossible to focus and preparing lessons was a daunting process. All my energy was devoted to trying to figure out what was happening to me as well as attempting to save my relationship, which was becoming more and more toxic as time went on. The more I asked my ex-partner for help, the less he would be available to give it and the more he made me feel as if I was only trying to gain control over him as well as looking for his attention.
Next week though, is a new beginning. I don’t procrastinate as I used to and I have already spend time preparing my lessons for the coming week. I haven’t met all my students yet, so I cannot prepare further than that. My anxiety has receded and my PTSD symptoms not as strong as they were three months ago. During the summer I read many self-help books and they have helped me develop a new life vision. I can let my experience of Narcissistic Abuse impact negatively on the rest of my life, or I can pick myself up and move towards a brighter future.
I am also looking at enrolling on a course myself. Doing a blogging course last year was enormously therapeutic for me and the reason why I am able to write this blog now. I am trying to find a course that will suit my interests, skills and timetable. I think it is important to take on new challenges to be able to move forward. It will not be all plain sailing but I am ready to tackle on those challenges.
As a teacher, I also take every opportunity to learn and grow. Being in an abusive relationship was a tough way to learn, but it is a lesson I will never forget. As people often say: “Life is the best school.”