The UK government’s definition of domestic abuse is ‘any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.’ Victim support
I found this letter that I wrote to him on a scrunched up piece of paper in my teaching folder. I am not exactly sure when it was written as there were many times I wanted to end the relationship but never got the courage to do it. There was so much tension and so many arguments. I tolerated the abuse for a long time but at the end, no matter how much I loved him, I knew I had to end this, because I was losing myself.
My Sun and Stars,
After everything that happened between us, it would be impossible to continue this relationship. Nobody should ever feel like I did in a relationship. I felt alone, isolated and anxious most of the time. I was not treated fairly and with love. Your moods swings, the roller coaster of emotions, your lack of respect and attention, your rages, your complete disregard for my feelings and your repeated lies are not the sign of a healthy relationship and of a person who cares. You paid more attention to your mobile phone than you did to me. I told you many times that your actions were hurting me but you continued anyway. If you loved me, like you said, you would never have treated me like this. You behaved in a cruel and confusing way and I never understood why. I was too afraid to speak up because you would either subject me to the silent treatment or one of your rages.
It is sad but I see no other way.
Reading this reminded me of the extreme anxiety, restlessness and pain that I felt during the relationship. I believe that no-one should ever feel unsafe and scared with their partner. No-one has the right to abuse their partner and that domestic abuse cannot be tolerated. Anyone who engages in such acts should face the consequences of their actions. And so should he. Unfortunately , people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder are not very good with taking responsibility for their actions and therefore always avoid facing consequences. He is the same, always shifting the blame, reinventing history and portraying himself as the victim. He never learns from his mistakes, and he does the same thing over and over again and seems baffled when people “abandon” him. Well at least he’s facing one consequence!