Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Martin Luther King Jr
Here is a poem that I wrote after a night out with a friend, about two months before I decided to end my relationship with him. At the time I had no idea about Narcissistic Personality Disorder but I was describing the narcissistic abuse cycle of idealisation and devaluation without realising it. I could feel that something was deeply wrong but had no idea what it was.
I’m standing there in the night
By the river bank
Remembering our first date
Do you remember?
We drank cocktails and talked into the night
We walked miles and miles unaware of the distance
We grew so close in such a short time
I was afraid to let you in
But your smile, your attention and kind word seduced me
I was wary at first
But my heart spoke
And I fell for you
I’m still falling
Deep down into the darkness of your soul
I can’t find myself
I can’t see in the endless cold night
Where am I?
Where are you?
Where are we?
Can we stop falling?
Is there any light at the end?
It’s a bottomless pit and the fall is endless
We can never get back up again
Too much hurt
Too many lies
We were a team
Now there is two of us
No more you and me
We seem to live on two parallel levels
With no chance of meeting again
Can we meet again?
And be one?
Were we ever one?
My mind is in a daze
I’m tired and I want to sleep
I want to forget the bad times
But they come back at me like a boomerang
Every time I get rid of them
They come back crashing into me
Crushing my heart
Destroying my soul
Destroying any hope of a better tomorrow