Darkness

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Martin Luther King Jr

Here is a poem that I wrote after a night out with a friend, about two months before I decided to end my relationship with him. At the time I had no idea about Narcissistic Personality Disorder but I was describing the narcissistic abuse cycle of idealisation and devaluation without realising it. I could feel that something was deeply wrong but had no idea what it was.

Darkness

I’m standing there in the night

By the river bank

Remembering our first date

Do you remember?

We drank cocktails and talked into the night

We walked miles and miles unaware of the distance

We grew so close in such a short time

I was afraid to let you in

But your smile, your attention and kind word seduced me

I was wary at first

But my heart spoke

And I fell for you

I’m still falling

Deep down into the darkness of your soul

I can’t find myself

I can’t see in the endless cold night

Where am I?

Where are you?

Where are we?

Can we stop falling?

Is there any light at the end?

It’s a bottomless pit and the fall is endless

We can never get back up again

Too much hurt

Too many lies

We were a team

Now there is two of us

You

Me

No more you and me

We seem to live on two parallel levels

With no chance of meeting again

Drifting apart

Can we meet again?

And be one?

Were we ever one?

My mind is in a daze

I’m tired and I want to sleep

I want to forget the bad times

But they come back at me like a boomerang

Every time I get rid of them

They come back crashing into me

Crushing my heart

Destroying my soul

Destroying any hope of a better tomorrow

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