The Healing Starts

Ultimately, there can be no complete healing until we have restored our primal trust in life. G Feuerstein

Healing after being abused, deceived, betrayed and hurt by the person you loved and trusted may seem like an impossible thing to do. It’s been two months since my relationship ended and at first I didn’t think I would be able to move out of the deep dark hole that I was in. The searing pain I felt prevented me from eating, sleeping and socialising and instead I was drinking as well as smoking excessively. I could just about manage to get myself out of bed and go to work. However, as soon as I got home, I would retire to the comfort of my bedroom or a bottle of wine.

I didn’t understand why my relationship hadn’t worked out. I had given him everything: my love, my support, my admiration, my soul. I had helped him pass his exams, set up and finance his business, but he was still treating me like I was invisible and not worthy. He would say he loved me though, so I believed him! However, he broke every promise he made and never kept true to his word.

After over two years together, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked him to leave. (Well it took a 999 call to the police, but I will tell that story another time.) Strangely, even though I was the one who had instigated the separation, I didn’t know how I would get through it. He had been aggressive and abusive throughout the relationship but I was missing him crazy. He was my world, my everything, and I didn’t know how I could live without him.

Then one day, I picked up a book called The Sociopath Next Door by Marta Stout. After a few pages, I became aware that my ex-partner was showing sociopathic traits. I was intrigued, so I finished the book, watched YouTube videos to find out more and read articles on the Internet. Then I found out about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I suddenly realised what my partner had been: a talented actor!

And then the healing started…

19 comments

  1. Reblogged this on MakeItUltra™ and commented:
    Hello all! With Pascale Samy’s permission, I would like to introduce you to “Pascale’s Healing Journey.” This is a wonderful and informative blog written from her perspective on learning to thrive after narcissistic abuse.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I begin to heal and then I get disappointing news about my health that he caused when he assaulted me. I haven’t yet figured out how to continue healing when I’m reminded of him every minute of ever day because that’s what a severe concussion does. It’s what inner ear damage does…everything has been impacted in a major way so I struggle. I say F)$k you over and over in my posts but then what! How do you move on when there’s so much damage to just me…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. May your recovery be easy and the rest of your life glow with brilliance. I lived with a narcissistic father, last year I finally cut the ties. I’m hoping to learn to forgive and move on, I think acceptance and knowledge is key. Good luck with your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think this was a good read. I know the grieving process and healing process have different time frames and to start out to get to the end is up to each person. Your blog, going through my stepsons cancer journey and knowing where the ultimate healing factor will be, is the realistic part off my journey. Realizing with no cure all you have is time. Time to do whatever your allow your mind….get mad, hang on to the last little bit of hope, already in your mind having gotten to the end already. I think whatever or wherever my mind is in dealing with this I haven’t started my healing, I’m standing at the starting line. I have to finish my race with grief. I’m not too sure when that finish line will be awaiting me. Thank you for this article it was truly a good read.

    Like

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